Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
