the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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