3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
