we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize