Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
