my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize