I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
