This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize