I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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