Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
