I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
