Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
