I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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