I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
so much tequila, so little girl.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
