Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
