Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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