Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
