Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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