Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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