sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
