well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
