everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
