You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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