i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
