Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
