whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
