you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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