Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
