I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
