I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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