T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
