Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
there was a trapeze. enough said
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
