The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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