its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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