but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
