too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
