Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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