She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Sober January is a disaster.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
please don't ironically join a cult
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