i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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