my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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