i'm signing you up for texting rehab
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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