sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
