Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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