I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
