wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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