Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
