Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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