Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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