Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
