Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
