Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
They have beer where we have blood.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
