cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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