I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
