told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize