I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You ruined the universe
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
