Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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