Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
