they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
