I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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