His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
