So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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