Pants 0. Shit 1.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
