I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
