They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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