Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
