I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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