U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I forget how to act sober
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