dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
