You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
