Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
