I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
