He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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