the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
